


Restart

by Skellington24



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Awkward Sexual Situations, Blood and Violence, Depression, I Don't Even Know, I'm Bad At Summaries, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Non-Graphic Smut, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Secrets, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Torture, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-07
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2019-08-20 05:53:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 13
Words: 14,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16550174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skellington24/pseuds/Skellington24
Summary: Harry is done. He doesn't want to play the popular saviour anymore. He doesn't want to be anything. But nothing we want just comes to us easily, and wants can change when someone presents other choices. It's easy to restart your life, if there's someone to restart it with.





	1. Night of Surprises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How many times can Voldemort be shocked in one night? Voldemort P.O.V.

Released from the Cruciatus curse, Rookwood slumped to the floor, pathetic sobs escaping his throat. I could feel the shudders raking through his body as I walked around his miserable form. I ordered him to leave. A small smile slid across my face as he crawled towards the door, he didn’t even have the strength left to walk after I’d finished with him. This will teach him never to fail me again. It always did with my Death Eaters.

The door clicked quietly behind him, and I was left alone again. Rookwood was the third death eater I’d tortured in just this one night, and I was still so stressed it almost hurt, and being alone really didn’t help. It gave me nothing to think or focus on other than my stress. I knew she’d come, probably before she did, so when Bellatrix knocked politely on the big wooden study door, I wasn’t surprised. But I didn’t give her permission to enter either.

“My lord,” her small voice muttered. “Are you there?”

Of course, she already knew the answer. It was her confusion that led her to ask the questions. Why hadn’t I asked her inside? Why did I not want to see her? I honestly believed I knew her better than even her own sister, I definitely used to know her body better. It must have been the twenty-ninth night she’d visited me in a row, but her desperation didn't please me as it used to. Before my return, before the mistake I made back in Godric’s Hollow, I craved Bellatrix's body. I would steal her away from her husband frequently, even on her wedding night.

But since then, I’ve been a different person. I found myself unattracted to her when she was lying beneath me with her body willingly exposed, and her words begging me to touch her… but I didn’t want to. Every time she came to me, I wouldn't even accept a gentle caress from her hands, or a soft suck in her mouth, never more. I didn’t want more from her anymore. I’d found entertainment in Lucius Malfoy’s bed, although he was beginning to bore me. His body was adequate but old, and I wanted more than a body to use. I wanted to worship a young and fresh form, something attractive and responsive, which would enjoy me as I enjoyed them. Which made me sick.

“May I come in my lord?”

Her voice disrupted my thoughts. Anger bubbled in me, and I barked rejection at her, with a threat on the end just to push her further. It frustrated me that she wasn't getting the point. I waited as I heard her footsteps retreat down the hall, thinking of how I could spend my night. My options were few, I could have called for Lucius but the thought was less appealing now I'd begun to think of a younger lover, or gone out into the darkness to torture and kill the first muggle I saw, or even just go to bed alone. But my evening turned in a direction I never thought possible when I saw a tanned hand gripping my study windowsill. An evil smile crept over my face, as my wand rolled between my fingers. I waited patiently for the owner of said hand to climb past my window, waiting so I could surprise them.

Then his face appeared. His green eyes shone through the window, spotting mine and holding my gaze. Harry Potter was watching me. I saw his hand move from the ledge and I pointed my wand at him, the curse ready to fire from my lips. He reached up with an empty hand and turned the window’s handle down. Creaking, the window opened, and his voiced carried through the room.

“Would you mind giving me a hand up, I’ve climbed so far my arms and legs hurt, and I think I’m gonna pass out.”

All I could do was stare in shocked silence as he struggled to drag himself over the sill and into my office. He was panting, leaning against the wall, and clutching his head. His eyes opened to meet mine, and there was something there, some hint of something that seemed to me like defeat, blended with his exhaustion. It was strange to see in the eyes of a man who’d just climbed a wall to my study. I stalked around my desk, my head tilted to the side, as my prey watched me.

“Why, Mister Potter, to what do I owe this pleasure?” I sneered.

Potter smiled, light and beyond tired, as he replied. “I want to offer you a deal. You do me a favour, I can stop the rebellion of most of the wizarding world.”

This caught my attention. Rage built in me at this unbelieve statement, leading me to grab him by his neck and haul him against the wall behind him. I questioned his deal, calling him out on the obvious bullshit he was trying to sell me. He’d never want a favour from me, nothing I could give him would be as light as the side he was on. And I doubted he could stop most of the rebellion against me, they didn’t trust his word that much. I didn’t trust his word that much.

A look of content flashed across his face, as my grip tightened, and he said, “I want you to kill me.”

Once again, shock struck me dumb, and my grip loosened around his neck. I couldn’t process his words, they were unexpected, and I wasn’t really sure I’d heard them properly. Slowly, I removed my hand and moved away. It would be best to be cautious because I didn’t know what game he was playing. My wand rose reflexively as he started laughing, emeralds shining into rubies.

“How is it hard for you to imagine why I’d want to die?” He smiled, sorrow creeping across his face and turning his laughter to sobs. “All I ever do is fight, and I have to be strong enough to carry the world on my shoulders, and I’m fucking sick of it. It’s bullshit. So please…I just want to be free.”

That boy shocked me more times that night than anyone ever had. The weirdest thing was how believable it sounded to me, but that didn’t mean I trusted him. I could never trust him. His eyes fluttered closed, and I almost didn’t catch him as he fell to the floor. Passed out from exhaustion no doubt, as he guessed he would. Although, now I had to decide what to do with him, perhaps fulfil his request? But for some reason, that thought didn’t sit right with me. His face was peaceful, beautiful when relaxed unconscious as he was. I decided the only thing would be to let him live, and before I could stop my movements, I was carrying his body out of my study and into my bedchamber.

“Floor or bed?” I thought to myself. The image of Harry Potter waking beside me, half-naked, possibly scared but definitely confused came to mind. That was all I need to make up my mind, as I delicately relieved him of his unnecessary clothes, admiring the view of his youthful skin in his underwear, before positioning him under the covers properly. Covering him with soft black velvet made me less tempted to touch and kiss along his ribs and hips. This was a body worthy of worship, a body I would provide pleasure to, a form I would receive new levels of satisfaction over controlling. Though the term 'lover' sickened me with its fluffiness, it described what he would be to me. Perhaps, if I so require one, he will be my consort.


	2. Be His What-Now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morning's can surprise you too. (Harry P.O.V)

My body ached, but my eyes fluttered open to look at an unfamiliar ceiling. I got this nostalgic feeling, waking up in pain to a ceiling that wasn't in my bedroom, it felt just like the Hospital Wing. Maybe this is what purgatory was like, or wherever you go before they take you to Heaven or Hell. I realised after inspecting the 'ceiling' a little more that it was actually a black canopy for a bed, so maybe I wasn't dead. That’s when I felt disappointment cruise through me, and the usual consistent sorrow and crippling depression followed. I forced my tears to stay put as I weakly tried to sit myself up so I could get a proper view of this new room.

“You sure you’ve gained enough strength for that?”

Whipping my head to the side, I noticed finally noticed a presence next to me, and was confronted with the Dark Lord, fully robed but lying beside me. He had a slight smirk on his lipless mouth, and his bloody eyes gleamed at me. Words failed, and this shock to my senses made me realise I was strangely cold. I looked under the black velvet duvet, and saw my boxer briefs, but nothing else. My face heated and looked everywhere but at the smug face beside me. It actually got on my nerves a fair bit.

“Did you strip me?” I hissed, “cos I didn’t come here to be molested when I was unconscious.”

He chuckled, the low sound making vibrations ripple through the sheets. "You passed out before you could strip yourself, I would be a bad host to have allowed you to sleep in your jeans. Besides, you mentioned a deal but didn't truly propose it, I had to wait for you to wake up and finish your thought."

I didn't understand what he meant. What was so hard to understand about me asking him to kill me? I'd even explained I was tired of being the Boy-Who-Lived and stepped on to accomplish what Dumbledore wanted. Sirius was just the last straw. I curled in on myself, hugging my knees to my chest so I felt less exposed, emotionally and physically. I opened up about feeling used and tired of losing the people I love. When I'd brought it up to Ron, he called me a coward for wanting to run away, and after losing the closest thing I had to a father after becoming so attached, it killed me inside.

"I have nothing else to live for, or the will to try and look."

"You are 15 years old, Harry." He rolled his eyes, "you've hardly started to live, let alone been around long enough to lose the will to do so."

I refused to look up. Why was he being like this? He should be taking the opportunity, relishing the chance to kill me and not wasting either of our time talking about it. I could have killed myself, but Dumbledore would have spun it off as a murder to fuel the fire of the rebellion enough for it to not die out without a teenager to hide behind. It should make more sense for him to try and kill me than for him to undress me and sleep - wait!

"Where did you sleep last night?"

"Beside you, sweet thing. It is my bed after all." Voldemort smirked, "if you have so little regard for your life, give it to someone else."

I was going to scowl that I'd basically done that but he hadn't held up his side of the deal. I was still alive. I felt his hand brush some hair behind my ear, which made me look at him on instinct. He looked in my eyes deeply, like he was trying to see in my soul. I shivered in fear, and something akin to excitement. It was a strange look to be given. It made me uncomfortable. His fingers dusted over my bottom lip and ran the tip of a finger to the other side of my face. He held my jaw and pulled my face towards his. He lips pressed against mine softly. My eyes widened in shock instead of closing as they should have for a kiss. It was over quickly, but he rested my forehead on mine.

His eyes split open, "I'll have you as my lover Harry. You will be my consort, and I'll care for your life even if you don't want to."

 _I'll be is what-now?_ What the hell was wrong with him? I backed away from him in panic, jumping out of the bed and forgetting to be embarrassed by my exposed skin. I demanded he stay away from me. I'd asked for death, not painful torture until he became bored and killed me then. I would not be his slave to use like filth, I was depressed but even I understood I didn't deserve that much hell. He merely chuckled.

"A consort is like a wife. You'll be more than my slave, though I still own you." He grinned, eyes roaming over me. "I have a desire to worship your athletic young body, bring you to peaks of pleasure you don't know exist. It will be about pleasure, not pain unless, of course, you do something deserving of a punishment."

I knew he was crazy, but there had to be no sanity left in this man. Instead of killing a boy destined to destroy him and ruin his dreams of fully separating from the muggle world, he wants to shag me. And I'm only 15, he has to know I'm not experienced in any way. I've kissed one girl and it sucked. I wouldn't know where to even begin pleasing him sexually. And what if I couldn't, I haven't been attracted to guys at the best of times, and Voldemort wasn't exactly a looker. But he had a point, about giving myself to someone who wanted me even though I didn't. And if he stuck by what he said about not making this painful then I might be able to learn to live with it. But I wasn't going to be used.

"Fine, consort of whatever. But hurt me or touch someone else and this crap is over, and I'm jumping off the roof or something."

He laughed. Not the cruel laughter I'd heard before, gloating over someone's pain or distress, but this just held mirth. It was a nice kind of sound. I sat at the edge of the bed and he pulled me back by my shoulder. Lips pressed against my shoulder blade, I guess he did have them. He kissed up to my shoulder and up along my neck, licking the shell of my ear and nibbling the top. He stopped as I shivered, it hurt but in a nice kind of way. He order me to dress so we could have breakfast, relationships had rules and boundaries, and he needed to know mine as much as I needed to know his. That was going to be an awkward meal.


	3. The Rules

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Relationships have rules, this is theirs. (Voldemort P.O.V)

Breakfast was served by the house elves. They were as cautious as ever around me, but knowing Harry's appreciation for the creatures I looked to him instead of them. It made them less nervous, and I was less likely to torture them for nothing more than entertainment. My young lover already looked uncomfortable sat with me, it would not do well for our relationship if I fed his hate for me so early on. It'll be best to slowly introduce him to how I handle things as a Dark Lord. Spoon feed the child as it were. It would do well to be cautious.

"I can't tell if you're lost in thought or staring at me to make me uncomfortable."

My gaze refocused. Breakfast was all laid out, Harry had food on his plate but was looking down at it instead of eating. His cheeks were flushed, so I assumed my 'staring' bothered him. I explained my thoughts of taking it slow with him in my fight. A nervous lip was sucked between his teeth, as though he'd forgotten what it meant to be here. It meant more than giving his life away, it meant changing sides. Losing his friends. The reminder struck a nerve, Severus bring up the young Weasley girl had a crush on the boy in front of me, not that I can pin blame on her for such a thing. But he was mine, and she was not to have him.

"I hope you are aware that in aligning yourself with me your betrothal contract to the Weasley's female child is void."

"Ginny? What betrothal contract?" He frowned.

A laugh escaped me. It was malicious but also relieved. His confusion didn't reflect he returned her admiration, fewer obstacles for a steady relationship. I explained the purpose of a betrothal contract. Guardians or parents signed a contract which was a basic agreement that their children would be encouraged to marry each other, though cannot be enforced as a marriage contract can because the individuals in the match don't sign. Severus Snape had been told by Dumbledore that the old man had signed a contract pairing Harry to this Ginny girl for their future, which I was putting a firm stop to. He was mine, not her's.

"So he was even trying to take my choice of who to love away?" Harry scowled, "Has he not done enough already? And now I'm losing control of my life again, handing the reigns from a dictator to a heartless tyrant. I'm only good for being used, only ever wanted as a pathetic slave."

The reaction was unexpected. Even more so when his anger faded and silent tears flowed. The old man must have been like a grandfather to him, a caring figure when he didn't have one, and now he finds he was manipulating his life. Pulling the strings like a master puppeteer. He had reason to feel upset. The emotions on display were foreign to me, I didn't know what would comfort him and what would bother him, so I stayed still. I thought it better to verbally reassure him rather than push a boundary unset on physical contact.

"You aren't handing reigns to anyone. I have some rules that must be kept to, as I'm sure you will, but your life is yours. You are free to do as you please, as long as it doesn't break my rules. I demand your loyalty, meaning you aren't allowed to run off back to the light and fight against me. I require you to be faithful, I am territorial and possessive so I will react quite badly to someone else touching you. You will need to share my bedchamber, sleep with me, eat with me and shower with me if I want you. The rest of your life is yours."

His eyes met mine and I held nothing back. I stood to lean over the table and take his sad little face in my hands. I kissed him tenderly, a treatment I withheld for when I'd been too rough with Lucius and he was in pain. It was uncharacteristic of me, not something he should expect. But Harry was different. Being young meant a lack of experience, nerves about being with a man for the first time, and he was already so fragile. I couldn't be tough on him, which may become a challenge but we would see how it goes. I can always switch to being harsh and cold like with others.

I pulled back slowly, kissing his cheek before releasing his and sitting back in my seat. The tears had stopped. He was absent-mindedly stroking his lips, it almost made me assume he'd never been kissed before. But that was highly unlikely, defeating a powerful threat gives one a certain level of admirers. Gryffindors weren't usually the type to waste an opportunity.

"Thank you. I'd want you to be faithful and loyal in return. Give as well as take from me," he mumbled. "And I can't be a Death Eater. I will be loyal to you, but I'm not going to be another mindless follower, and you won't brand me like a cow. You've already agreed not to hurt me, which I appreciate, but I wanted to bring up again. Lover or not, I won't be abused by you too, I at least deserve to be treated right. I agree to all your rules, I'll follow them willingly if you can follow mine."

It was reasonable. I didn't need to give him the mark, the hickeys will make the point that he is mine. I wanted to question "too" but it didn't seem appropriate. He was what I craved now, the offer had been dangled and I was snapping it up. No turning back for either of us. I could accept only sleeping with him. The pain may be a problem, but it'll take testing his pain threshold before I could be sure. Rough fucking was my default, it would be difficult to do anything else, but unwise to give him more than he could take. Finding things out about our relationship will be entertaining for the next few days at least.

I instructed him to stand and come to stand beside me. He fidgeted nervously as he stood by my chair, and flinched when I moved it back with a loud screech. I pulled him to straddle my thighs, placing light kisses and licks up his neck. I felt his shiver against my groin, and his breathing became heavier on my ear. He pressed down and rubbed himself on my growing erection. He was brave, I had to give him that.

"I want to show you how to make a deal with a Dark Lord," I smirked.

I wasn't as gentle this time. My lips pressed on his with more force and I parted his lips with my tongue to invade his mouth. I was pleasantly surprised when he hesitated for only a moment before kissing back. He had little experience, but with practice, he would learn, and I was enjoying kissing practice. My hands gripped his ass firmly and he pressed into my touch. Not quite the bashful virgin he had portrayed before this.

A knock on the door had Harry springing off my lap. If the interruption didn't anger me, that definitely did. Bellatrix entered unannounced and stared at my lover in shock. I had only returned the shirt too that was too big for him, enjoying the sight of his legs. She reminded me I had a meeting to discuss important plans, her eyes trailing his blushing face and exposed legs. It was annoying but true. I would need to play with my young lover later.

"I will see you for dinner this evening," I stated, placing a kiss to his cheek as he turned his face away. That wasn't good.

If Bellatrix had somehow ruined the fragile bridge I had built this morning, I would burn it down when he heard her screams from the other side of the manor. I can always rebuild tonight when I can get my hands back on that undeniably gorgeous boy and his perfect round ass. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had a meltdown, but I'm trying. Hope this isn't too crappy, and thank you for sticking with it when it was so new.


	4. Showing My Appreciation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry's day, post-meeting. (Harry P.O.V)

That was so embarrassing. Completely humiliating, being caught bearly dressed with lips swollen from kissing a man I was meant to hate. Bellatrix had just stared at my legs, and even I could tell she was attracted to me. Like a predator, like I was something juicy to eat. It was how Voldemort looked at me now. How strange was that? Last night he was no doubt planning my defeat and the murder of all the people I care about, now we were discussing rules for our weird sexual relationship. That's what we were talking about right? He just wants to use me for sexual gratification and a cuddle afterwards so he doesn't feel so alone in the world. Which I guess I want too, I just don't need the sex.

I didn't think I'd be able to kiss him. I'd never kissed a guy, he murdered my parents and looked like a hideous snake monster. But when he kissed me so tenderly I felt like some giggling idiot. My lips had tingled, I could feel a vibration when I touched my lips. And the passion in the second kiss, the sensation of his tongue on my neck, it unlocked something in me. I liked it, I kinda wanted more. I was stunned by my reaction. I didn't think I'd be so slutty, panting and grinding. But having his hands on me wasn't as repulsive as it should be. This was something I'd want Ron's advice on, but I couldn't talk to him now, even if I was allowed. He won't look at me after tonight, after I no doubt lose my virginity. I feared it would be painful, that he'd be rough with me when I wasn't ready for rough. But that kiss was gentle, so maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

I had nothing to do. I didn't know Malfoy Manor well enough to feel comfortable doing anything. I found my way back to my new room, the room I share with a murderer, and started cleaning. There wasn't much to clean, but I remade the bed. And I started moving things. He may not like it, but I wasn't being disloyal, or unfaithful, so it was within the rules. I was making this place more comfortable for myself, trying to put my stamp on it. I could live my life how I wanted. I shoved the living space around, made it make more sense and leaving space for a TV that I'll buy myself.

"Pwease Mister Potter sir, Master wiw be vewy angwy with Maxy if woo keep moving things."

I turned to a shaking house elf in the doorway. It was in worse shape than Dobby, cut up arms and bruises. Its voice was deep, unlike any house elf I knew, male maybe. I didn't know. I'd need to complain to him about how he treats them, its the one thing I'll never be able to deal with him continuing. I apologised for worrying them, but I was allowed to move his things. This was my room too now.

"Could you do me a really big favour please Maxy? Could you take me to the kitchen?"

They looked really uncertain. I knelt down and reached for their hand. It took my hand hesitantly and went to apparate, but I asked to walk. I wanted to learn the way to go again myself. Along the way, I asked what gender the house elf was, or if they had one. Maxy was a girl. And she was very sweet, it was cute the way she spoke differently, a lisp that made -l and -r sound like -w. The more I spoke to her the more she responded. Then she began talking to me on her own. It was a long journey. But actually really fun.

The kitchen was full of house elves discussing what to serve for lunch and dinner. Apparently, lunch was a buffet for the meeting, but they argued over what to serve. And they couldn't agree on what was a good dinner for our first as a couple. I wouldn't be at lunch then. Which was fine by me, they weren't the kind of people I socialised with because I wanted to. And hopefully, he wouldn't try to make me. They were his people, not mine. My people were at Hogwarts, a place I probably wouldn't be allowed to return to. I'll need to talk to him about it. With any luck, a tasty meal and sex will put him the mood to say yes.

"Hey guys," I smiled. They all jumped out of their skin in panic, "I know you all usually cook, but I have a plan for dinner. When you're done making lunch, I'd like to start cooking for your master. He's sort of mine too, in a sense."

None of them looked like they wanted to argue, they just stared at Maxy's hand in mine. I sat at a table in the corner, inviting Maxy to sit with me. I wanted her to be a personal house elf, someone I could talk to. She offered to make me tea, and I politely accepted. She levitated it over on a tray with the milk, sugar and biscuits. It was a pleasant afternoon. And everyone left punctually after finishing the lunch food and placing sandwiches I didn't order in front of me. I thanked them before they could leave.

Dinner was something I'd made a few times when Aunt Petunia was having one of her moody weeks and wanted to feel fancy. She'd dress up in a pretty frock, insisted her husband and son did also and made me serve them as a waiter. It was three courses, creamy tomato soup to start, roast turkey with all the trimmings, and for dessert a trifle. All that I can make in time for his meeting to finish. If I start soon.

* * *

"Good evening sweet thing, enjoy your afternoon?"

He yawned in his dining chair as I entered the room. I describe most of my little adventure, rearranging his room and visiting the kitchens with Maxy. Very cute little thing. He offered me her companionship, and I agreed I'd ask. House elves came in to serve the soup, and he hummed appreciatively. It smelt good and tasted better. It was good he liked it. I brought up my question of returning to Hogwarts if I was allowed to.

"Why would you go to Hogwarts, if not to plan to betray me?" He scowled.

"To learn, socialise with friends, like Luna and Neville. Maybe Ron and Hermione will forgive me."

He rolled his eyes, "you can learn from me. And you don't need friends, you prefer house elves anyway. Your friends will attempt to twist your mind."

It was almost a predictable answer. I didn't plan for him to give in the first time I asked. He polished off the bowl and waited patiently for me to also finish. He seemed more contained than this morning, perhaps because I'd rejected his last kiss. He may not understand displaying our relationship like that made me feel awkward, so it was something I'd need to explain. During our main, I struck up a conversation about his meeting, but he didn't open up much. He just asked why I wanted to know anything if I had no intention of being a Death Eater. I shrugged, it was the best way to hold my tongue. His suspicion was not founded, he had no reason to doubt I was in this agreement and thinking so little of my loyalty was pissing me off.

"I don't need to want to know anything, simply expressing an interest in your day." I smiled, "I would like to mention now that if I see any abuse to the house elves by you or your mindless idiots there'll be a problem."

My voice was tense, but level. I avoided his gaze by watching my food fade from my plate as I ate it. I finished the main course first and waited for him to finish. He promised the house elves wouldn't be harmed, and admired my strength of will to be so angry over it. It wasn't the only reason I was angry, but I couldn't admit that unless I wanted to start a fight. He opened up about the meeting also, that it was a plan for a raid and to check up on where people were at with assignments. Nothing worth my thought. He was trying to appease me, but I didn't know why. The trifle was the best. Two different kinds, mine packed with chocolate and treacle and his more bitter. Maxy had warned me wasn't big on sweet things.

"My lord, this stuff is wonderful. Being nice to house elves has perks, they've never cooked so well. Must want to impress you."

"I made dinner tonight," I blushed at his shocked expression. "I was bored alone and wanted to loosen you up to ask about my schooling. I thought you'd at least appreciate the effort."

He moved towards me. I watched each motion in concealed fear, still unsure of his temperament to people he uses for sex. He leaned over me to ask if he could kiss me, since I rejected him this morning and was tense with him now. I lifted my lips up to his, and he needed no more encouragement, grabbing my face and pulling me out of my seat. The passion was back, fiercely crippling the voice in my head that told me this was wrong. His hands roamed my body, my hands mirrored his. I was exploring him, learning about his body and what places wanted the most attention. He seemed to naturally know, not surprising but an unwelcome thought. I was just the next of many, god knows who many people he'd been with, conceptual and not.

"I underestimate you, Harry. I thought you'd be more reserved."

I squirmed away. It was embarrassing to have him say things like that, it made me feel easy. I shook him off me, and he frowned down. He refused to release me completely, gripping my arm as he demanded I air my problem with him. Whatever issues I had being physical with him needed to be sorted if he was going to enjoy me. It was saying crap like that, that was my problem. He talked to me like I was his, he owned me like a slave, I felt I had no choice when he gripped my arm that tightly. That was my problem. He let go of me, and I felt bad. I felt like I should have tried to make out with him again. It was my purpose now right, why I was still breathing, so I reached for him.

"Forget it." He backed away, "I don't want you doing this from obligation. I require more than sex, I've mentioned that. I will see you in our room, no sex tonight. For your honesty, you may socialise with these friends of yours. If they accept you as my lover and don't attempt to talk you out of this, you may continue at Hogwarts."

He left me standing in the dining room, walked out rubbing his head. He was frustrated, but he gave me my choice. My life was mine, he was proving that to me. But I was still cynical, hoping this wouldn't come back to bite me in the ass.


	5. Surrender To Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry makes decisions that surrender him to his new life. (Voldemort P.O.V)

He was asleep when I entered our bedchamber, curled under my blanket restfully. I watched him, truly mesmerised that he looked so at peace in a place he didn't know, surrounded by people who had tried to kill him before. He was a beautiful boy. He may not like that, think it made him sound girly or whatever, but it certainly fits him. It was just a shame his eyes were closed. They were a gorgeous green, like the shine of a killing curse, they could stop your heart if he smiled. He's not smiled at me yet, or around me. Perhaps once he has these friends around him he will be comfortable enough to smile with eyes.

It was an hour later that I realised I was frozen in place, removing my top and staring at him. It was pathetic, just because I wanted comfort as well as sex didn't mean I had to moon over him like a lovesick puppy. I should be more than that, I am a Dark Lord, a ruthless leader, yet I'm still watching at him sleep. I needed to remove the temptation. So I laid with my back to him, I cut him out of my vision. It helped put me back in control of my thoughts until he shifted closer and cradled himself against my back. It was a strange comfort I didn't know I wanted. Needed. And I slept comfortably with him behind me.

When I woke, he was still curled behind me, breath tickling my back. It was distracting, and for a reason I can't fathom, arousing. I pushed myself up and heading out into the living area. Harry had moved things, not one piece of furniture was in its original place. I didn't mind it. The knock at the door bothered me. Usually, I would have barked an order at them, but that may have woken Harry from his rest. I wanted to avoid that. I instructed them as quietly as I could to enter. It was merely Bellatrix and the entire Malfoy clan. Why they thought to bring the kid was crazy, if they wanted to be bad parents it was up to them.

"My lord, we wanted to discuss Draco's role in your ranks?" Bellatrix smiled, eyes flicking all around. Looking for her replacement.

The boy looked pale, but not like his parents, sickly pale. The thought wasn't one that appealed to him, his parents forcing their legacy on him, though I imagine Lucius was the main pushing force. I asked what they planned I use a child for, a child who didn't even have OWL qualifications yet. The blonde pouted indignantly but wisely kept his mouth shut. Bellatrix proposed he watch over Harry, as they were close in age and it made sense for them to make friends if the other boy was being real about changing alliances. So the bitch was intending to test my relationship, create enough doubt to squeeze her way back in. She was so desperate I almost felt guilty for turning her into that.

Four pairs of eyes lifted past my shoulder. It was Harry that drew their attention, standing in a robe. His hair was wet and trickles of water drops running down his legs. He looked uncomfortable, but his eyes were blank. He was talking to himself in his head, and I doubted he was saying anything which would help. Now I didn't fear waking him, I returned to my normal volume as I ordered them to leave. It was slightly helpful, as the sight of Harry looking exposed made me need to clench my hands. It helped relieve a small part of the frustration that built from last night.

He relaxed after they scurried away. It was being around others that upset him apparently, or maybe being ashamed of how I look at him. He has a problem with feeling like a whore, but how do I fix that? I want him, in my bed, as I watch him now. I wanted him last night, there isn't likely to be a time when I don't want to bury myself between his firm cheeks and bring him to pleasures he doesn't even know. How do I do this without him squirming away, or worse, letting me do something when he isn't ready?

"I wrote a letter before I showered, to Ron and Hermione. I'm waiting to hear back about meeting up today if that's okay?" He wouldn't look at me.

"I gave permission yesterday," I frowned. "I would like to question what exactly I do that disturbs you so much? Makes sleeping with me such a trial."

He blushed deeply. He stuttered through his answer. It was the way I spoke, calling him out on not fighting my advances or the fact that he finds himself considering the things I could make him feel. There was nothing wrong with those things. I always thought of how he'd make me feel, doesn't make me easy. It just means I'm attracted to him, and I have needs it'd be nice to have satisfied.

"Well, umm, I know some people say sex can...be done in a shower. And you haven't had one yet."

If an owl hadn't slammed into the window and drawn our attention I'd have taken him against the wall. A smile lit up his face as he giggled at the foolish thing. It was a response I didn't understand, but the glow in his eyes was beautiful. He read the letter it carried and smiled that his friends were meeting him for lunch. He looked happy, clearly, he didn't agree with Bellatrix's idea to pair him with young Malfoy. He rushed to be ready for them. So still no sex for me. My next opportunity would probably be later, after dinner, after a day full of meetings with idiots. I may just end up killing them.

* * *

"Dumbledore is very confused, he knows Harry isn't dead, but word hasn't hit on where he actually is."

It pleased me how well the Malfoys controlled their reactions for everyone who I didn't trust enough to know about my new lover. Bellatrix looked bitter. Missed my company I'm sure, not that it really mattered to me, so long as she kept her big mouth shut. My relationship status would remain a secret for a while longer until its impact on the public would be biggest.

I was filled in about every useless piece of information, the fear of missing out something which may become important a problem since I tortured Avery for not mentioning his son flew a broomstick well. Then Slytherin's did try-outs, he was given a place as a chaser, and was unprepared to take Potter down on the field. Mattered very little now, but at the time I was pissed.

There was a loud bang from the hallway, scuffling noises and grunts of exhaustion. There was a knock at the door, and a young kid I didn't know shuffled in beside one of my guards. Draco's stunned whisper revealed his name to be Neville. The Longbottom son. The shuffling continued in the hallway.

The guard shoved him forward, "tell the story boy."

"We met him with Ron and Hermione. Luna and I. Dumbledore told Ron to be worried over Harry being missing for over 24 hours, so we rushed Diagon Alley. They were pissed when he told us, I still think he's been bewitched or something, only Luna accepted it off the bat. Cos it sounds crazy that he'd surrender to you, let alone the other half of the deal that I'm honestly not gonna think about.

Point is, the other two, they didn't take it well," He stuttered. " And there was a fight. Harry wouldn't back down and neither would they. I don't like confrontation, I tried to stay out of it with Luna, she was upset. Shouting upsets her quickly-"

"Damn it, Neville, you still haven't got to the point." A pretty blonde with dreamy eyes frowned from the door. Her eyes turned to me as a smile spread. "Hello, my name is Luna Lovegood. I wanted Neville to tell you as I carried Harry upstairs. Ron and Hermione beat him pretty good, he couldn't have made the stairs alone. He's in his bedroom if you want to see him."

I didn't need the permission of whoever this girl was. I stormed out of the room as soon as her words caught up to me. I wanted to see the damage, see the hurt they'd inflicted on my poor Harry, so I could inflict ten times worse on them. Torture those fools, and the ones they love. Harry gave himself to me, telling them was the last surrender. Or it would be after we slept together. He was mine, my consort, my lover. There were very deadly consequences I would hunt them down to make them face.

 


	6. Bruised

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being betrayed and letting himself slide into a darker world. (Harry's P.O.V)

It was probably banging my head that woke me up. I can't blame Luna, she was certainly strong, but carrying me was worse than lifting her own body weight. She wasn't very big, and my servitude with the Dursley's had built me enough body mass to cause her strain. I only slipped an inch off her shoulder, but Malfoy's bannisters were as big as his ego, high enough for me to still knock my head. It rattled me conscious, well semi-conscious. I managed to hold some of my own weight as Luna carried me up the stairs, things also weren't too blurry and I navigated us to my bedchamber. That's what it's called, isn't it? The whole thing is my bedchamber, but the bed is in my bedroom. I don't know, made sense to me, and we got there fairly fast.

It was a relief to be off my feet. Luna wanted to rest me on the little sofa, so I could lie down and rest, but I wanted to stay upright. I wavered to the windowsill. There was a little ledge on the inside big enough to sit in, like a nook for reading in natural light. I should use it like that since I wouldn't be going back to Hogwarts for my studies. Read my textbooks on the ledge, maybe have a desk in front of it for essays and homework. I needed to finish, get my NEWTs, then it's on to bigger things. Leaving my past behind me, leaving my best friends behind me.

I thought it was going well. I had expected the confusion and disbelief, I had prepared for the anger and betrayed look when they connected the dots that being Voldemort's Concord or consort, whatever, meant changing sides. I just didn't think they'd become so enraged. From Ron, I might not have been surprised by a punch or something, but Hermione would hold him back and try to be the rational one, especially in public. But they went crazy. I'd taken muggle beatings from my cousin, suffered injuries that I just numbed to the longer it went on, but magical beatings were something else. I'd taught the DA last year, I knew how many spells Hermione could fire in a minute in theory, but facing them was something else. I could only block half of them completely, some slipped through and once I dropped my wand I was in trouble. That was when I registered Ron was trying to hex me too. He was surprisingly weak compared to Hermione, but without protection, they became strong enough. I was only just conscious when Neville and Luna turned down the lane I'd chosen to share my secret news. Thankfully, not such an untouched place.

My eyes shifted focus from staring aimlessly out the window to my reflection in it. It was mostly blue, a little purple in places, some bits had gone red. Blood stained my chin from a cut lip, from me holding back screams by biting my mouth shut. I wasn't the same person from this morning, even my eye was starting to swell over my eyes. It one thing I thought would still be intact enough to hold his attention. How was Voldemort going to react finding out his pretty little lover was a lot less pretty? I shuddered at the thought. It was my appearance that drew him in, despite what he says about wanting more than sex. He picked me cos I'm young and conventionally good-looking. I had no use being maimed like I was, to him or anyone else. He was my purpose, the reason I didn't die two nights ago. He chose to keep me around cos he wanted me in bed, and he wouldn't want me now. Not until I'd healed, and who knows how long that would be. If I was I him, I would kill me and find someone else to screw around with. We'd both probably be happier.

The door slammed into the wall with such force I nearly had a heart attack. I jumped out of my skin, but I knew who would open the door like that and I didn't want him to see the full damage. I stayed staring out the window. But what I wanted didn't seem to matter much, he demanded to see my injuries. I rose to my feet and leaned on the wall when my left ankle protested. His eye moved over my face critically, and his wand ran diagnostic spells over me. He breathed a sigh of relief at finding out my injuries were 'superficial'. I didn't actually know what that meant, but I didn't think it would be something bad, based on his reaction.

"You'll be fine, my Harry. Though I can't say the same for the filthy mudblood and blood traitor who did this to you," he snarled.

He rested a hand on my cheek, which I controlled not to flinch. I was tense. Sooner or later the concern would run dry and he'd let Bellatrix replace me in his bed. He left the room without a word, I was sure he'd ask me to leave. But I heard water running, echoing in a large space. He was running a bath? It was a sight I needed to see before I believed, but he was truly leaning over a bath pouring a potion into the water. He explained the warmth would help my muscles relax, they'd take longer to heal if I was tense, and the potion would begin healing my bruises to relieve my pain. I didn't know if he was being serious. I didn't move as he slowly removed my clothes, but cooperated to get into the water. It felt amazing.

"There's a little business I need to deal with," he frowned. "Perhaps afterwards I will join you."

He didn't expand on business, but I knew it wouldn't be anything good. I relaxed into the water and let myself believe he meant what he said. He was going to come back and get in this bath with me, the first time we'd both actually be naked together. This morning I felt ready, I wasn't sure what for, but I wanted to try something new with him. I'd played through thoughts in my head as I got ready, and before I actually saw my attackers. What did two men do in bed together? I guessed I could use my hand like I sometimes do to myself. That led me to start thinking of other parts of me I could use like that, my mouth is the most obvious. Would he want that? I was inexperienced, no doubt incapable of doing it in a way that could please him. Right?

"Penny for your thoughts?"

He'd returned. His robes fell from his shoulders and he was bare to my eyes. A part of me wanted to look away, be respectful and hide from what seeing him naked would mean. But I wanted to be even, he'd seen my body, I'd be at a disadvantage if I didn't look. He was slim like I was, so I felt less self-conscious about being stick-thin from neglect. I was jealous of how much bigger his...appendage was to mine. I was hoping the size would be similar, less intimidating. I couldn't imagine it fitting in my mouth, or my ass for that matter.

He sank in behind me, pulling my back to his front. "Whatever worries are going through your head, abandon them. It's just you and me naked in a bathtub. This is supposed to be relaxing and fun. Are you having fun?"

"Not really." But I had an idea on what might be.

I turned, sloshing water over the side of the bath as I moved to sit on his lap. If he pushed me away, I'd know he was disgusted by my fading bruises. But he kissed me back, letting my tongue explore his mouth before dominating it. I submitted the kiss to him. I gave him control of my mouth and took control of his dick. It was firm, but not fully hard. It flexed in my palm. His kissing got sloppier as my hand slid up and down. Small groans vibrated from his mouth to mine, so I tightened my grip and moved faster. Finally, he started to return the favour.

"Copy my movements sweetheart. I've been frustrated, this won't take long."

When he tightened his grip, I tightened mine. When he pumped his fist faster, I mimicked him. We were synchronised, jerking each other in the same way. We'd have to come at the same time moving together like this, it seemed to make the most sense. But so did me coming first, being a virgin and how skilled his hand and fingers moved, so I didn't feel too ashamed as I bit his shoulder and came in his hand. A white cloud spread around the water, getting bigger when he joined me in ecstasy. I was proud of myself. The only dick I'd ever touched was my own, but I'd brought an older experienced man to his peak with just my hand. Easy to believe he was frustrated.

"I'm not going back to Hogwarts, so I want you to tutor me." I smiled sweetly.

He chuckled, "Fine, although I want something in return. When you hear the news, you move on. Not argue with me, agreed?"

This would be his 'business'. I knew it wasn't good, someone was hurt or dead and it was someone I knew. But my friends abandoned me, I could only rely on Luna, maybe Neville. I felt like he was still on the fence over this. I promised not to hold his actions against him. He was the villain, the evil that killed and wanted to end the world as we know it. I knew that when I sat for that breakfast and let him seduce me into this relationship. He could do worse things to people that kill them, so what did it matter to me? I let myself sink into the mindset that if it made Ron or Hermione feel anything like I did, it was worth it.


	7. Torment and Torture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Voldemort gets his torture on. (Voldemort's P.O.V)

I can honestly say that it's more than his looks that draws me to Harry. It's that he can surprise me. I'm 67 years old, I've seen many things and had experiences that some wizards never have. And yet this young 15-year-old boy always does something that shocks me. His unpredictable assault in the bathtub was most welcome, I wished I could have truly explored his body, maybe added the stimulation of fingering him for the first time. But he was hurt, and I just wanted to enjoy his submission without making shit complex. So I taught him how to give a proper handjob.

I didn't suppose he'd take the news of my revenge plot well, but his delicious request to tutor him posed a chance for me to make things less complicated. His face showed his approval was conflicted by his morals, but his agreement showed a level of acceptance I needed to try and pursue this relationship further. He was readying himself for everything my reign brought with it.

I removed us from the bath and wrapped him in my bathrobe. The charmed water had done wonders for his bruising and swelling, he only had tints of purple now. I dried myself magically and charmed clothes to spirit themselves to cover me. When I extended my hand, Harry just gazed at it like he didn't understand what it meant. My patience was pretty thin, so I just took his hand from his side and pulled him along with me. I followed the circuit of the halls and down many flights of stairs to the Malfoy's basement.

My Death Eaters had done well, my victim was on the floor bound and practically unharmed. Percy Weasley, the older brother to Ronald, seemed terrified by everything around him. Fear makes people comply with instructions which would explain his lack of injuries. His eyes flicked to Harry as mine did. My young lover stared at Percy in shock. I explained my plot to torture him and remove parts of him to send to his family, like fingers or ears, then leave him here for Fenir. The old werewolf was in heat, so he'd get some use out of the young lad before killing him on the full moon. Percy whimpered behind his gag and shifted pleading eyes to Harry.

"Please don't do that to him." I turned to the quiet voice, Harry's eyes looked to Percy with pity and mercy. "He didn't hurt me, didn't lay a finger on him. You may feel the need to release your anger towards Ron on him, but I'm begging you. Have your fun and kill him quickly, he doesn't deserve all that."

The whimpering snob on the floor began to cry. I supposed it to be thankful tears, though I hadn't agreed to Harry's objections. I removed my wand to begin and hear the door close. Harry had disappeared, without my permission to leave. His audacity would only fuel the opinion that I would give in to his pleas for mercy. I couldn't, not completely. It seemed the best compromise would be the end of the statement. Torture him and remove pieces to send home tonight, then leave him with Fenir as a cuddle partner. I'll have Rabastian dump him outside the Burrow to wander home and be healed. That was as much mercy as I could give.

I started my torment. The cruciatus curse was a solid base, it had his muscles tensing from pain, and tense muscles were easier to cause pain. I used a pocket knife to remove the index finger of his left hand. His cry of pain was sweet, the blood spraying over the floor artistical beautiful. I pushed the stub hard into a puddle of his tears, the salt bringing a sharp hiss from between his teeth. I knew I'd need to stop soon. Torture always made me feel heated and horny, and getting caught up in spilling his blood would only cover me. A sight I suspect is not one of Harry's turn-ons.

"I should fix that, lest you bleed out."

I produced a flame from my wand and used it to burn infection and close the skin. I could have used a healing spell, but that isn't fun. I hexed his skin to become sensitive to everything, making him shiver on the stone floor. Stinging hexes may be adolescent pranks at Hogwarts, but paired with my charm it can bring the strongest men to tears. And Mr Weasley was not a strong man. My last strike before I left was to slice off some of the skin on his cheek, using fire to close it once more.

"Fenir, he's your mate this evening." I grinned, "in the morning he goes home, so I encourage you to take your fill. Be gentle, and he may be less unwilling."

I left the basement and summoned a house-elf to my side. I asked for Harry's location, and it responded that Harry was in his bedchamber. It was currently the only place he could find. I resolved to give him a short tour later to provide more places to procrastinate until I begin his education. He may not approve of my evil, but he will have to get used to it. It just meant there was another tense conversation over our relationship. Wonderful.


	8. Punishments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry faces punishment, but not from the expected person (Harry P.O.V).

Poor Percy. It was my selfish desire to hold on to what I liked about my previous life as I started this new one that put him in that basement. I could have left my ex-friends with my ex-life and Voldemort wouldn't have gotten defensive and felt he had to punish Ron through his brother. This whole situation was avoidable.

I sobbed on the floor of his bathroom, complying to my mentality for punishment with a razor I found in the cabinet over the sink. I dragged it across the skin of my waist, a place I've never had exposed before. He'd only see if we got in a bath together again, but his attraction seems held by my legs so they were safe until then. I knew from experience that if I waited long enough after it scabbed then when I picked at it there would only be a light pink line. It was the secret punishment I inflicted whenever my relatives made me feely shitty enough to think I deserved it.

A gentle knock on the door sent my hand slip out of control, pressing the razor deeper than I classically did. My accelerated heartbeat from the handle rattling seemed to make the blood seep out slightly quicker. Voldemort's voice swept through the door to chill my bones and still the motions of the razor. He requested me to explain why I left without his permission to do so. I guess I was just a slave to him. His tone suggested my actions against him offended him.

"I'm sorry. I just couldn't handle hearing what you wanted to do to him, so seeing it would have broken what composure I had. I started crying before the door closed, for Christ's sake.

"And it wasn't what you said exactly. I knew you were the ultimate evil when I surrendered to this arrangement, though using your chosen name makes my skin crawl enough that I can't say it. I know what you're capable of, it wasn't that. It was Percy. He did nothing wrong, he was innocent of everything, only guilty of being Ron's brother and that didn't warrant all the pain he would suffer. I'm sorry if I made you feel like my problem was with you."

There was uncomfortable silence between us for a long moment. I started to gently pat my cuts with a wet cloth I hoped would calm the bleeding so I could cover it with a giant dressing in his first aid bag. It surprised me to find one, I just assumed that using magic would make a first aid kit redundant. The door handle rattled again and he requested I unlock the door. I hoped the excuse I used on my cousin would work on him.

"I'm kinda not near it. I'm not doing business that requires standing. Just give me a second to finish up and I'll join you."

He grunted, which I supposed was acceptance, and proceeded to dress my self-harm. It was the easiest way to hide it from him. I shuffled the bathrobe back over me and unlocked the door. Voldemort was waiting patiently on the sofa. He patted the cushion next to him for me to sit. He accepted my apology, admitted he may have tried too much too soon, punishing someone directly should have come first. Then punishing them through hurting their loved ones. I just shrugged that off.

"I also didn't pause to consider that name may cause a negative effect. Though my birth name gives me a similarly unpleasant sensation," he frowned. "I propose a middle ground. Namely, my middle name. If it is easier, I will allow you to call me Marvolo."

It would, though the name seemed heavy on my tongue. It sounded more intimate, giving me a privilege other's in my position hadn't been granted. It made me realise I wasn't performing my role to a good enough standard. I was still acting like - well, not his sex-slave, cuddle-buddy - and it dawned on me that I truly was being selfish with his attention. I should have been more interactive, no wonder I felt the need to punish myself. The only way to train myself into repeating the right behaviour was punishing myself when I was wrong and making it right with him.

From my place beside, I shifted closer. My head comfortably rested on his shoulder and my outer leg curled to cradle his thigh. I'd managed to shift myself hug into his side without intending to, but he seemed to welcome it. He stroked my hair absent-mindedly.

"Oh, come to think of it, you mentioned something that stuck with me during our breakfast discussion yesterday. I've been meaning to find a time to ask about it."

"Okay, no time like the present. Go ahead and ask."

"You said you 'wouldn't be abused by me too'. What did you mean?" 

Oh crap, I guess here comes round 2. I mentally applaud myself for hiding the razor and dressing box behind the toilet. I predicted this conversation was going to egg me on to using it again pretty soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry chapters are getting smaller. I'm trying to structure things better and not post illiterate ramblings. Anyway, enjoy ^~^


	9. Fuckbag Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry opens up about his childhood, and Voldemort reciprocates. (Voldemort P.O.V)

"Honestly, I was talking about my relatives. Since I started living there, they made me feel like an inconvenience. I was ignored, my magic was punished when it burst out. I was convinced I was cursed because I didn't know I was a wizard. My bedroom for most of my life was the cupboard under the staircase, so my growth stunted. A big punishment became cutting off my food, so now I'm just stick thin. But none of that matters. I don't live with them anymore. I share my bed with you. They'll never get to touch me again."

His last words were placating. It was clear he felt the tensing of my legs, or how my shoulders hunched up. Hearing he was left uncared for filled me with a sickening mix of guilt and rage. I felt slight guilt over killing his parents now I was presented with the truth he was left uncared for. But he didn't need to be left with them if they weren't caring for him. Dumbledore holds those Weasleys so high but didn't keep him there. He could have learnt the same muggle loving batshit. And any issues he has now could have been avoided while still raising him to hate dark magic and want to avenge his parents.

His hand slid under the neckline of my rode and stroked circles on my chest. I just watched his hand move. Then shuffled to kiss my neck and nuzzle his head into me. It was clearly supposed to be a distraction, but I couldn't bring myself to mind too much. At least he was trying to comfort me, a welcome intimate act.

I opened up to him about what I'd learned of my family and my childhood as a wizard among muggles. The pathetic story I learned of my mother falling for a muggle's looks, and falling for the illusion love potions created and stopped giving him them. Wandering around pregnant and alone, selling family heirlooms for peanuts, until she stumbled on the orphanage I grew up in and died giving birth to me. The torment I had to deal with from the other children, being jealous of my looks and smarts. Then I got the chance to go to a fancy private school and they really disliked that.

"I remember meeting a younger you from that diary 2nd year." Harry blushed, "I seemed to remember being a little jealous of your good looks myself."

The admission made me smirk. "I got the looks from my father. I met him once, when I wanted to explore the shack my family ended up with. The Guants were pureblood but spent the family fortune a long time ago. My uncle was still there, wasting away. I murdered my father and his parents that night, the pinned it all on my uncle."

I hadn't noticed my face darken at the remembrance of that scumbag. My mother was pathetic, but as if being muggle filth wasn't enough he was an asshole as well. My thoughts must have been presented somehow, as Harry moved from my side to straddle my thighs. He sat on my lap and held my head in his hands. He kissed me, which was pretty good. He's gotten better over the two days, and his slight defiance to my tongue controlling the kiss was rather arousing.

A knock once again disturbed our moment. It made me think it was time to rid ourselves of doors, since there's always one prick coming to disturb us before I can get Harry on his back. Bellatrix came in to announce the parts had been delivered and request if she could do anything else for me. She scowled over to Harry was a raised brow. It was a clear power move to embarrass him, get him to back down from me. Just as I was about to kill her, he spoke up.

"I think he's good for now, but I'm sure if he wants anything you'll be a good little bitch and come to his whistle."

Her face contorted in rage as he turned back to kissing me. He really was getting into our relationship properly. My hands travelled down his back to cup his backside, and he pressed down and squirmed in my hands, simultaneously rubbing my crotch. The door slammed and he started to giggle.

"What was that all about?"

He smirked, "I want to take this deal more seriously. I could still be in a manipulative and abusive environment. Or dead, either by your hand or my own. So this is the best position, and I want to do it properly. You didn't need to give me this. So going against it just makes me an asshole, so I'm going to try."

**"My lord, I have bad news!"**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning, there probably won't be an update now until mid June, I have A-levels now :'(.  
> That and I have another story idea, so I want to develop that in spare moments. It's Drarry, which won't appeal much if you're a hard Harrymort shipper, but in case you've read some of my other work and enjoyed that ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	10. Interruptions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Interruptions and setbacks. Interrupting my lunch was the biggest shock. (Harry P.O.V)

Our moment was shattered by the calls of Lucius bursting through the door. He obviously thought there'd still be enough resistance in me to mean he wouldn't be interrupting anything serious. What he thought would be welcome news froze in this throat at the glare of Vol... Marvolo, who clearly imaged my admission had a pleasurable follow-up. The smirk of Bellatrix behind him didn't escape my notice, so I remained on his lap as Lucius stuttered his apology and report.

"It's the Weasleys, my lord. They received the package sooner than anticipated, Dumbledore demands the return of the kid and Harry, or he says the war will erupt before we're ready to hold our ground."

From beneath the hand I'd knowingly placed on his chest, I felt his heart beat harder. I placed gentle kisses along his jawline, and I felt his fingers trail shapes across my back in a soothing caress to calm himself. LeStrange eyed his fingers enviously, obviously not treated to his gentle hands, while I continued kissing his exposed skin. Lucius asked whether they were releasing Percy back to his family, but my partner denied. They weren't budging, they were sticking to the plan. Which meant he really had left Percy down there with Greyback, suffering abuse I could be under if I resist Marvolo enough. It was chilling.

"Are you cold?" He smirked, encircling in me with his arms.

I shook my head, which I burrowed under his chin. It seemed very child-like, but I couldn't trust my voice after learning Percy was in pain. My earlier guilt compressed me again. Bellatrix insisted they gather his inner circle to deliberate, in case Dumbledore followed through with his reckless threat. I conceded he should, that while we both knew he wanted to stay where we were he had responsibilities to deal with. His face moved towards mine as I stood back. It looked like nothing, but I knew he felt then distance back in place. I'd rejected his kiss, again, and this certainly displeased him.

Barely five minutes after making my promise to try harder with him, I move us right back to square one. I turned back on my word and started acting like an asshole again. This was the sort of behaviour I needed to stop, it was my guilt and shouldn't affect him. This was why I'd hidden my punishment pack behind the toilet seat, get myself to not deny him when he only asked for what I'd agreed to give him. When he returned that night, I had fresh reminders to watch my actions and called on him to cradle me in bed because I was tired. He looked weary, my hot-to-cold attitude clearly setting him back too. But I solved that. Gentle kissing and a repeat of our passion in the bathroom and he relaxed around me, smothering me as we both found restful sleep. 

* * *

 

Marvolo was right to question Dumbledore's bluff. They returned Percy in a state I couldn't handle imagining, and a month later there was still nothing. I'd heard nothing of Percy. If I'd have woken up that morning to Voldemort in a bad mood, I could have forced like that, and that only made my head hurt thinking of the pain I would have felt being his reality.

It held back my relationship as well. Being raped, knowing he had that cruelty in him, made me less willing to let him claim me fully. I'd fingered my ass before, and I hadn't continued to the point it was supposed to feel good. It stung and made my head swim like I was going to be sick. Not something I could take under his rough style. He'd promised to take it easy on me, knowing I was new to sex as well as sex with a man. But I'd still kept saying no. His angry expression trying to hide the pain of rejection in his eyes was the fuel to my self-punishment. I'd only given in to that instinct twice, and only after seeing that pain.

I woke up alone one morning, a note on his pillows that simply stated he was away on business, would return when he was finished. The concept of sleeping alone in this place wasn't comforting. I retreated to the gardens to try and relax, taking advantage of the last days of summer with Maxy and enjoying lunch under a huge oak tree. Today, I went alone, and sat around the back against the monstrous hedge for privacy. Alone with my thoughts, I had another moment to reflect on my guilt.

"Pst, Harry. Are you there, it's me, Percy."

The first wave to crash me was of shock. I could believe Percy came back here and was crouched outside on the other side of the hedge to talk to me. And it sunk in that I couldn't believe that, the next wave of suspicion arriving. I felt brambles move against my back, sliding right. He warned that if I could feel his hand, to move, but it had disappeared somewhere.

"Bombarda!"

The hole was blown into the hedge and a blur of ginger hair barrelled back in before it resealed. Percy sat up and panted. He looked pale, like he hadn't been eating right, and had haunted shade in his eyes. He didn't look like the past month had been peaceful for him, but someone had restored what my lover had taken. He didn't look like anything had been done to him, there was no scaring anywhere visible. It was a slight relief.

"What are you doing? It makes no sense of you to show up here," I whispered. "What the fuck are you thinking?"

"Look, Harry, I'm really sorry for interrupting your lunch, but I need to talk to someone who can understand what's been haunting me. Try to help me sort my mind out because I'm having thoughts that can't be my own. Please, Harry."

"Okay, okay. First, you need to calm down so I can understand you." I mimicked deep breathing and he started to copy. "Now what do you need?"

"I need you to help me. I think I've gone insane because -because I think I've fallen for a murderer too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick A/N: I will update in... 3 days. But I need guidance. So far the structure is alternating P.O.V chapters, and next is old Voldy. So leave a review on this: Chapter 11 following with regular, being something Vold is doing. Or, have it as Harry again, and the rest of his conversation with Percy a chapter early?


	11. Doing What Is Necessary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Voldemort sorts out what he thinks is holding Harry back. (Voldemort P.O.V)

Lucius had ruined our moment, with pointless news of empty threats from the fool Dumbledore who stood against me. I intended to give the kid back, though only to satisfy Harry rather than anything merciful. But Harry would never go back to him. He was mine forever, because giving him up would be too dangerous now. After wanting us to move forward, his frequent rejections of committing his body to me didn't anger me as it should have. It upset me, I felt pain from his rejection, and that was definitely dangerous. It would mean he had the potential to hurt me worse if he turned against me.

Yet each time I thought it would be different. He would melt into our kisses, arousing me with his gentle touches and making me a fan of softness. And before I could finish planning how to bring my fantasy of burying myself in his unclaimed heat and showing him pleasure he doesn't yet know, he would tense against me and shift away. He'd never firmly refuse me, but his body language was a brighter signal than neon lights. The worst part of not being verbally pushed away was that I was never given an explanation for this. But I had a guess.

The realisation came last night. I work and untangled myself from Harry's vine-like limbs, trying not to sigh as I lost his warmth in case he was awake. I didn't want him to know how attached I was to him. It was a nightly call to the bathroom. My reflection hit me as I washed my hands. And it suddenly became obvious to me. My blood-red eyes weren't the kind someone sane would want to look into with any emotion but fear. My face was sunken and gaunt, so sickly pale that several veins were visible. It looked like I didn't even have lips, and not having a properly structured nose threw my face out of proportion. Not many people would want this face hanging over them during sex. I should have known, Lucius could never look up and prefered having sex from behind.

I was desperate enough for Harry's body and affection that I knew I needed to change how I appeared. I would have been attractive enough looking how I had before I split my soul so many times. I'd known the potion to restore parts of my soul for years and just never thought it necessary. I only needed one actual Horcrux, and the easiest to get to was most likely Nagini. So gathering ingredients wouldn't take long, but it requires me to stew in it for at least 12 hours. So the sooner I started, the sooner I'd be capable of seducing Harry into sex. I don't even care about needing to be gentle and slow anymore, I can handle that because I'm so desperate for him. My feelings were getting involved, so it was getting serious now. How could feelings no come into play when you're in a relationship with someone that is as beautiful inside as they are outside? So I think everyone but Harry himself has noticed how I'm starting to feel. But he will know soon, when he sees how far I'm willing to go.

I leave him a quick note and leave to prepare for my transformation to a better man for him.


	12. Friend In Need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry's conversation with Percy, his friend in need of serious advice. (Harry's P.O.V)

"I don't know who else I could talk to about this. I know my family would never understand, especially after the fight you had with Ron. But it's something I need to talk about, because staying quite these past few days has been torment like you wouldn't believe. I need someone to bounce my thoughts off, hopefully, get some advice so I can feel less confused about everything. Because suddenly I don't know who I am.

"When You-Know-Who said he was leaving me in that basement to be used by a werewolf in heat, I was terrified he was going to tear me apart. I mean, his goons even charmed me naked and chained me to the floor. Not exactly encouraging. And when he actually showed up, he looked at me like I was something to eat. But that's when it went in a completely different direction. He wasn't brutal. And I enjoyed it."

I couldn't keep the shock from my face. The events in that basement had haunted me too, but apparently for very much the wrong reason. I was almost too shocked to feel the relief of him not being hurt too badly. Percy stopped there and looked afraid to continue, drawing memories back of how I felt trying to tell Ron and Hermione about what I'd gotten myself into. It wasn't the easiest thing to discuss without encouragement.

"So," I grinned. "I want to know more. Tell me everything that happened."

Relieved, he started the story again. "To begin with, he broke off the chains, said something about not wanting me helpless from metal but pleasure. I thought he was just talking crazy, but he found places I didn't know could feel good. He was soothing, kissing across my body and teasing places he found that were sensitive. I was almost embarrassed at how hard it all made me. But considering I came a moment later when his mouth went that far down, I didn't have enough time to think about it. The whole thing was like an out-of-body experience, I just went with the flow instead of making rationally thought-out decisions. When he started 'preparing me', I don't know what happened. I started touching him back, and then I wanted to do to him what he'd done to me. And then I was sucking him off.

"I thought, him being a werewolf and everything, that he'd take me from behind like an animal. But he sat me on his lap and lowered my body onto him. He just kept whispering right in my ear to go at my pace until I didn't feel any pain. I think there was also the ulterior motive of wanting me to actually participate, but I did it anyway. Even when I said I was ready he didn't shift into some animalistic pounding. He laid me on my side and sort of cuddled me from behind as he pushed in. It was proper affectionate sex, nothing torturous or rape-like about it. He just seemed to feed of pleasing me. I asked when it was over and he was still holding me why he wasn't harsh, and he chuckled that mating for him was sensual, and he had a thing for gingers."

I couldn't have stopped a giggle if I wanted to. It seemed like such a stupid reason for the most feared and dangerous werewolf to be so sweet because Percy was ginger. But to each their own, I was in a strange relationship with a guy with no hair. Percy explained his problem didn't end there. He didn't just enjoy it, he'd started fantasising about it when he returned home. People thought he was closing off after trauma, but he began to miss Greyback. He started to want him again. But he didn't know what to think about how this changed him. Penelope Clearwater was still his girlfriend, but now whenever he imagined the life and love he had with her, it seemed like nothing to what he wanted with Greyback. The werewolf had his mind ensnared, so he could only imagine he was falling in love.

"But what if that was just a one-time thing? I know he has a vicious side to him, so what do I do if he changes? I don't know how much rough I can take."

"Percy, stop overthinking this, it's your worst quality." I smiled, "I think if you were to say this to him, simple mating may make you his actual mate. Meaning he'd protect, so not very likely to hurt you. There's nothing wrong with how you feel, you enjoyed the time you had with him and want to explore that, there's no shame there. So embrace this, I'm sure you'll enjoy it."

A friendship we never really had before formed between us then. Maxy came out to warn me I was being summoned by her lord, so I asked her to locate Fenrir Greyback as I stood. I explained the importance of him meeting my friend immediately for an important discussion and went on my way back inside. I wasn't sure why I was being summoned, but knowing Percy was happy cleaned that edge of uncertainty about committing myself to him fully. I was taking my own advice, Marvolo had basically made me his mate, so he wouldn't hurt me. I trusted that now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't want to ruin my structure, so the Voldemort chapter was just short and really just a filler to build up to the next chapter. Things will be getting rather sexy soon. Or I plan for them to, hopefully, my writing is up for it :/


	13. Surprises in war

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As surprises can cause heat to flare between Wizards, it can also derail a moment completely. (Voldemort's P.O.V)

Having the element of surprise is key to victory in times of war. My spies grin over the hidden chaos Dumbledore is brewing to repair losing their little figurehead, 'The-Boy-Who-Lived' that needs public support to battle the evil dark lord. I could storm their hideout and wipe them out just because they weren't prepared. When it comes to a battle, having a couple tricks up your sleeve can be the difference between winning and dying.

I might not be a war with Harry anymore, but retaining his affection has been a battle. And I've been losing so far it seems. The element of surprise is as useful in this case as a real war. Disarm him with my drastic transformation, weakening his defences so he feels the full effect of my attractive qualities. Then he will be less reluctant to give in to me.

"His lord is still working, he instructs you to run a bath and wait for him."

Bellatrix's bitter tone reaches the bathroom. Under my disillusion charm, I lean against the wall beside the door. My lover seemed unaffected by her cold attitude, appearing in high spirits on his path to the bathtub. I exercised enough restraint for him to start the water and pour a sweet scent into the running stream, but I couldn't resist taking him in my arms from behind. His form froze, seeing no assailant in the mirrored wall and calculating how to proceed.

"I have a surprise for you, my Harry." I purred.

He shivered, swaying as I trailed my hands down to his hips and made him face the mirror. I didn't waste the opportunity presented by is untucked top, gliding my fingers over his abdomen to tease his hardening nipples. He squirmed and pressed back against me. I removed my cover, smirking at his stunned expression as Harry took in all the new details of how I looked. I asked him how he liked his surprise as I trailed light kisses over his exposed neck and nibbled his ear. He just closed his eyes and tilted to expose more skin for my lips to stimulate.

"How attached are you to your outfit my dear?"

He chuckled. "I couldn't care less at this present moment, other things are holding my attention."

He eyed me again, like a hungry lion eyeing up its dinner. I retrieved my wand in a flurry and sliced the seams to his t-shirt and pants, getting as much skin exposed as I could in the quickest fashion. His hands reached up to draw my head further into his neck and press his nipples into my teasing fingers. I looked to our reflection, wanting to see the raw desire he was exhibiting for the first time since our relationship began. I fed off the sight like his body was an oasis and I'd not tasted fresh water for too long. But my eyes were drawn to irregular colours. Red streaks on his olive skin, just hazardously scrawled over his chest.

"What is this?" I asked, tracing over a set of three cuts. Almost like claw marks.

He turned sad eyes to me and pleaded I ignore them. He begged for my hands to keep moving, pushing me to the door back into the bedroom. But the moment vanished when I saw he had been harmed. I demanded the explanation, already planning the torture I would inflict on whatever the cause was. But his body shook with shame and he couldn't look me in the eye. I bearly heard his gentle voice.

"I went back on my promise, I stopped trying when I thought my friend was in pain. I needed a reminder to stop rejecting everything and try, it just turned into more than once."

On instinct, I pounced at him. He was against the wall with my hand clenching his throat and his eyes bulging out in shock. I tried to keep a level tone as I ordered him to never think to punish himself again. In our arrangement, he was giving his life to me, I owned him. If he needed a punishment, then I would provide one. If he did this again, he would face more than my barely restrained anger. He frantically nodded. I removed my grip.

A knock resonated between us, Lucius once again managing to interrupt us. However, it was both welcome and necessary.

"Dumbledore sent the eldest Weasley kid to negotiate for Harry. He's in your throne room with Bellatrix. Shall I handle this?"

Rather than providing an answer, I opened the bathroom door and strode out. Lucius meekly followed, after catching sight of Harry in his underwear, massaging his neck and panting. I knew of the boy's lack of self-worth, but to know it is that low is astonishing. The path to the throne room calmed me. I began to realise that I'd need to make Harry see he was worth something, at the very least to me. I ordered Lucius to return to my bedchamber and bring Harry to me, leaving him confused as I stepped into my impromptu meeting with young William Weasley.


End file.
